Rules of Engagement 6.0

Have you ever wondered why Chinese people more often than not have a family business and why it is kept that way?

Having a business instead of being employed is a lot more stressful, but unlike being an employee you don't retire from being a businessman. So you don't have to worry about where you're going to get your money once you get old. Which is why Chinese people are so stingy, because we all believe that we will have time later on in life to enjoy it, or have our grandchildren enjoy it. As long as the business is there, you will always have cash coming in. You don't have to worry about retirement and pension.

The business is then inherited by the children to take over and continue the legacy, whether it be a small restaurant or hardware store. But why insist keeping it in the family? It is because we rarely trust anyone who is not family. It is incredibly biased and backwards, but that's how it works, if you're not part of the family, you're not touching the money. Even when the business grows to become very big, like Sea Oil, which has a President, Chairman and so on and so forth, it is still a private business and all of the top level management are the sons of the founder. Even for businesses that have gone public like SM, who are in charge? The children of Henry Sy, they are the ones running the operation. Keeping it in the family, because family are the only people you can trust.

This beliefs runs long and deep in Chinese culture, where back in ancient times, a son would take over his fathers occupation and shop, whether it be a blacksmith, baker, chef, or whatever, the sons are obligated to continue what the father has started, and it was considered a great honer. Especially if your family has been in the business for generations, and your reputation is known far and wide for quality and excellence. Like you go to Yang's for the best wine, and to Liu's for the sharpest swords, things like that, reputation.

You find a wife, so that you can have a son that can continue that legacy when you are gone.  You don't go looking for outsiders and teach your craft to them, that was considered highly shameful, not only is it looked down upon by the rest of the family, even the gossip from the rest of the community would be negative. Teaching trade family secrets to an outsider, BLASPHEMY! How can you be sure that you can trust them?! That would be question #1. 

We are by nature a very closed society, very closed minded and traditional. And that's why in the generations and generations to come I am sure that our culture will still be in tact, and be as colorful and as venerated as it is today. And that is something that I am proud of, that my great, great, great grandchildren will have the same values and traditions as I have today.

Eat Well and Good Luck,

Harveyson Go

Rules of Engagement 5.0

Whenever my parents would talk to me about relationships, which is get more and more often, I always get the impression from them that you get into a relationship to get married. You don't go around meeting girls going "Hey, I kind of like you. Lets see where this goes." No, there is none of that bullshit. It's  "Hey, lets wait a couple of year till I get financially stable so we can go get married."  You don't get into a relationship just for the sake of being in one or because you like them, it's because you see them as husband/wife material and you plan on doing the whole till death do us part jig.

Which makes me wonder about my father, who has a reputation of being a player among his peers, which is something I have obviously not inherited. People who knew him in his 20's and 30's would always talk about all the girlfriends he had. Something my mother has had to put up for a long, long time now. Which pushes the point, were all of my father's girlfriends Chinese? Personally, I don't have the moxie to ask him about this matter.

But it would explain why he has very little to say during these conversations, most of the time it would just be my mom talking. Who come to think of it, has never talked about any other man in her life other than my father. He would just say something along the lines of "Just remember that she has to be Chinese. This is non-negotiable." nearing the end of the conversation.

Whether or not this perspective is true for other Chinese families, I am not sure. But I just feel that the their perspective on things is problem inducing later on in life. Since you weren't really able to discover and explore what the world had to offer, the tendency is you cheat on your spouses when you're the one calling the shots. You want to take up what you missed out on earlier in life. Am I the only one that thinks this is true, what do you think?

Eat Well and Good Luck,

Harveyson Go

Rules of Engagement 4.0

Obedience to your parents is a big part of Chinese culture. It is actually a strong believed custom that if you are disobedient to your parents, you are never to succeed in life. Some of you might think that obedience is too strong a word, it is actually exactly the right word. It is being submissive to another's will. This is 100% true in the relationship aspect of your life.

Back in ancient times, this meant arranged marriage. This was an edict. There was no fighting against it, there was no arguing, there was no free will. There was only "Yes, father."

Now, it's a lot less strict. Now, it's more of a match making scheme. Where they introduce the two of you to each other, and you guys start dating and see how it goes. But there is no backing out of the initial meeting. You are to meet that person whether you like it or not and you are to go out on a date with them. Suck it up and see where it goes.

And why am I blogging about this....

Because I have feeling, that in a months time, I am going to be brain washed into going out with my cousin. (Explains why I blogged about maternal cousins yesterday, doesn't it!)

I have some intense weaseling out to do...

Eat Well and Wish Me Luck,

Harveyson Go

Rules of Engagement 3.0

I'm going to start of today with a brief introduction on how a Chinese family records its family tree. The Chinese is a paternal society, and only the men and the unmarried women are counted in the family tree. In a strictly traditional sense, the wives of the men are uncounted for. So in the listing of the family tree, it's just the father and under him are his children.

You may wonder why I'm talking about this boring shit. Because this boring shit is the rationale behind this mind blowing shit.

There is nothing wrong with marrying your cousins on the mother side.

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

Because according to the family tree, there is absolutely no relation between the two of you. So parents can set their children up with their cousins and its just another normal thing in this awesome, awesome world. Basically, we're like hillbillies, but not that bad, because hillbillies marry their siblings too, but that's irrelevant. 

Actually, we're more like European Royalty, where they are only allowed to marry people of Royal Blood as well, other princes and princesses, dukes and duchesses  and whatever else they have over there. So technically, we see ourselves as Royal Blood as well. Very pompous, don't you think? Well, not if we're majority of the population on Earth.

Eat Well and Good Luck,

Harveyson Go

Rules of Engagement 2.0

Apart from NOT being Chinese, there is another trump card to relationships in the Chinese community. And that is the dreaded 6 year age gap. OH NO!!!

This is an irrefutable part of match making, because a 6 year age gap between the couple is bad fung-shui. You can refer to the chart I have provided above to see which zodiac sign is an unfavorable match for you. And if you live under a rock and don't know your Chinese zodiac sign, you can find out here:  YEAH MHEN!!

But why is a 6 year age gap between a couple so bad?Because it leads to a number of very unfortunate things.

It may cause:

- 1 of the partners to die early

- cancer

- unhappy family life

- the husband to never succeed (financially)

- the wife to never bear children

and more, these are just the ones I know of. If you know any Fung-Shui people, you can try asking them.

A really good example I can think of for the 6 year age gap is...

Hayden Kho (29) and Katrina Halili (23) 29 - 23 = 6

and look where they are now. Hayden is addicted to ecstasy, brought shame to his family, his family is also receiving death threats, and Bello is freaking pissed at him. Katrina on the other hand has lost face in society and apparently hasn't received any work since February 2009. 

Relationship EPIC FAIL

Eat Well and Good Luck,

Harveyson Go

Rules of Engagement 1.1

The Chinese community is very discriminative. Simply being Chinese isn't enough, you have to be PURE Chinese. WTF. But lets clear something out right now, being pure Chinese isn't an all you can ride pass, there are still some Q&As that you have to pass, things like zodiac signs, personality tests, age, family background, the general stuff that any parent  of any ethnicity would take into consideration. You know, to see whether or not you are a good person.

The tips I'm going to share are for those who are not 100% Chinese, and has to face a very traditional Chinese family, because they won't care whether or not your a good person if you don't have the following  characteristics. 

Ability to use chopsticks -   5 points

Ability to use abacus -   5 points

Chinese Last Name - 10 points

Ability to speak Mandarin - 10 points

Knowledge of Family History - 15 points

Religious background - 20 points

Educational Background (Schools you went to) - 20 points

Ability to speak Mandarin and Fu-Kien - 25 points

Ability to Read and Write Mandarin  - 30 points

Appearance (How Chinese you look) - 30 points

Family Business - 30 points

Chinese Zodiac Sign Compatibility - 40 points

Knowledge of Chinese Customs and Traditions - 60 points

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Total 300 points

This is just a basic check list of the first things that came to mind when I though of the things that were important to a traditional Chinese family and the points are in accordance to how important it is to them. I'm not an expert in the field or anything, I haven't conducted any research or interviews, this is just my point of view. So don't take it too seriously. I don't want anyone getting their hopes up only to be shot down or lose confidence in themselves because of what I have said.

Eat Well and Good Luck,

Harveyson Go 

Rules of Engagement 1.0

For an outsider, the way the Chinese culture sees love and relationships seems to be very confusing, restrictive and backwards. But there is 1 over all rule that everybody knows, but doesn't really understand. It is prerequisite #1 in the relationship. And that is:

He/She needs to be Chinese

And I will try to explain, to the best of my capabilities and understanding, the rationale behind this.

1. It's pride. In my opinion, the Chinese people in general have a deep rooted, subconscious, sense of superiority. With being one of the oldest living civilizations in the world, and thousands upon thousands of year of cultural heritage, the Chinese are a very proud race. People who are not Chinese are called Hwa-Na (literal translation: Barbarian), and that is the reason why it is heavily looked down upon, it is a degradation of your rank in society, kind of like the whole Caste system in India.

2. It's a preservation of culture, or the cultivation of it, depends on how you would like to look at it. Let's say the Chinese culture is a red rose, and you want to keep on making red roses, so you breed with only red roses. If you cross breed a red rose with let's say a white rose, then it isn't red anymore, it's pink, kind of like red, but not red. Still beautiful, but not red.

3. It's distrust, or a lack of faith for the Hwa-Na's. Whenever my parents would see a Chinese man/woman with a Hwa-Na boy/girlfriend, they would always say, "They got tricked / fooled." I never quite understood this, the distrust. But it's there, the parents feeling that something is just wrong.

There are a lot more reasons, I'm sure if I go and ask my parents, they can give hundreds more. But I think these 3 are sufficient for the purpose of my blog today. And it is up to you whether or not you agree with it, or believe whether or not they are valid reasons. But more or less, these are the real reasons.

Eat Well and Good Luck,

Harveyson Go